|
Eddie how are you?
It is incredible how much of my life has become its own joke. I cannot sleep and I Wish that it was due to some drug. At least I’d have something to be agitated about. I know that you say that drama follows me and I am trying to accept that in the hopes that it will not define me but there are some nights I just can’t anymore. I have just been thrown out of the place that I paid a month’s rent and security for just to find out that a daft little Egyptian boy does not like my behavior and has me thrown out. My behavior involves dealing with the woes delt by closing off and late at night wandering the streets. Something I have done since I can remember. So I am stuck with the homeless situation again. I am tired of all of this that I did not bargain for. I am ready to sue the universe and my angels for no longer taking my side. I get tired of saying that this is ‘The best of all possible worlds!” Romanticizing my soap opera to make it more bearable. It always seems like the short end is me. You cannot imagine how many times I walk in front of cars hoping that the driver will be careless. That way it wouldn’t be suicide and the whole damn thing would have been over and done with and everybody can go on with their lives. I have lost so many friends in the process and have not gained any as compensation. Heck. Maybe they weren’t really friends at all. I certainly thought that they were.
This morning has become as heavy as the heat that preceded it. I really wonder what can go wrong in my life to make me finally lose it. I am scared and do not appreciate the past wave of events which lead me to dislike the future. I write this because writing always helps. It’s crap I know but it seems to be the only salvation left to me right now. My so called friends don’t listen because I am too old to be so down trodden. A heap of pathetic piece of shit is what I feel like.
|
JE7 