Dr. Seuss once wrote: “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

cropped-je-bird-with-wings-flying-high-in-the-sky1.jpg

I wish that I was wise enough to have written those words.  Then again, those who preach usually have a hard time doing as Ghandi said:  “Be the change you want to see”  No disrespect to Dr. Seuss at all.  I find that it is easy to sometimes help others and extremely easy to forget about helping yourself.  People I am talking about personal experience and not alluding to every body else.

I am going off script here.  I don’t even know why I write this because no one reads it.  I have to remember that it is not about that.  My secret dreams of one day becoming a writer will not be crushed.  OK. my bi-polar mind is going way off script now.  I started this today because I got some bad news yesterday about someone who I wish that I could hug and kiss all over and thank profusely for giving me more than an opportunity.  I may bitch about the dance but I have been doing it since 1980 and now that I am about to turn 32 I feel like a new kind of relationship is about to develop with me and the dance.  Yes people I was born in 1985.  The room next to me was 1987!!!

If you did read the blog entry:   “The Dance{https://jeanemail.wordpress.com/2017/10/19/the-dance/} and the one immediately after that then you would know who Nube Russo was.  I going back to NYC this Xmas and was trying to figure out how I can go to Florida for at least two days and see her as I haven’t seen her since 1984 possibly.  I owe her more than my life.  Back then I didn’t know what it was I was suffering from and the feelings of loneliness, pain and depression were puzzling to me but one day I told Nube that I wanted to dance.  This is without any prior training and she said ok.  She paid for my dance classes and took me to see Broadway shows and some ballets and took me to museums and taught me much of what I know now.  

There is an incredible renaissance happening in me right now.  Everyday, the truth of sexual and physical abuse as a child becomes less hurtful to my path in life but that is because I have been in therapy and have finally been forced to deal with the issues but back then, I was confused and the only therapy I had was my fantasy world and my fantasy world was enhanced by Nube’s incredible generosity,  She was my math teacher! Now I feel like a part of my life has been taken away from me.  I always say this when people talk of loved ones passing.  “You have yet another angel protecting you now” to soothe the pain.  Nube died apparently 2 or 3 years ago.   

Mary Mccahill Raymond,  a wonderful lady who used to work at the Bilingual Center and knew Nube and Miss Bruno confirmed that yesterday. I reconnected with her through Facebook.  I have to say it.  “Thank God for Facebook!”   I am having a hard time processing this information.  I know that this is natural and we all go through it but I wanted so much to hug Nube and thank her.  I hope that I will be able to do that to Yanla Vanzant and Penny Frank this Xmas.   Unfortunately I missed my opportunity with Denise Jefferson and that still saddens me.  If you add Glory Van Scott and so many precious others to this list of amazing mentors and educators  then you have my guest list for the imaginary yet amazing Thanksgiving party that I will have when we are all united.  I will make a solo for each person and dance for them to let them know that I am more than thankful.  I am happy that since Nube’s initiative the dance has kept me alive and shall we say, in therapy until I stopped and experience as Martha Graham said: My first and most painful death. 

“A dancer dies twice”, the legendary choreographer Martha Graham said, “once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful.”

 Nube I do hope that you are listening to my thoughts.  I love you and thank you.

Today I kept thinking about hearing my school friend Raquelle Chavis quote Mr. Ailey who used to say.  Something to the effect that:  “People come into your life for a reason or a season…”

I don’t know why that was on my mind so I had to find the original quote and read it to get a better understanding of what was being said and honestly it hit the spot.

The dance

“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person…”  

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”— Unknown

 

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PRIVILEGED

24301065_1763959426979306_2916107193776993567_nIt is easy to forget how privileged a life I have. With issues like depression knocking constantly I tend to forget the beauty of the lovely, gracious and generous people I know. Friday night I went to the airport en route to Naples. Nervous as all hell because although I do this all the time every time feels like the first. I had to go and share information about the dance with upcoming beauties. In other words teach. I hadn’t been out of Barcelona since June which for me seems like a lifetime. These last six months have been like discovering hell so my nerves were coupled with excitement because I like where I was going and it always reminds me that life is fragile yet livable.  That is the secret of Naples to me.  My experience this time has been special like always.  The beauty of these young dancers and their intake of information, my own insecurities and feelings of inferiority diminished  to nothing. The generosity of my hosts. From Saint Gennaro to his awesome staff as well the beauty and generosity of Anna Aiello, her family and school. These things along with the Italy in all its beauty and ambiguous self preservation always leave me agape with awe. Thank you Gennaro Cimmino, Korper, Anna and Giselle. I will try to remember how I feel now the next time depression comes knocking. 

I love and hate…

Screen Shot 2017-11-29 at 3.39.21 AM.pngIt’s been months now that I have had no contact with him and it hurst like real pain.  This is something I should have gone through years ago as it has been since 2004 since we have had not had sex but there was always something.  I kept telling myself to be careful of depending on him too much because he will up and leave you but I remembered those sweet words. Which kept me so calm at night and so wild at the same time.  Those words any child wants to hear from a parent or a lover from another: “I will protect you for as long as I live”.  How can anyone say something like that to another?Such false promises and he kept repeating it.  I grew to believe it.  He could not handle the fact that I was not well and had demons to fight.  He didn’t think that I could be so vulnerable.  He saw a star of the stage.  Someone who the people of his town were extolling during bows at the opera house of his town.  He never saw the baby that was crying inside because he was never allowed to cry. I remember that when I told him that something had come out of therapy about who it was who had molested me as a child and his answer shocked me.  “I don’t know what to say to something like that”. That was neither comforting nor negative.  I felt that it was dismissive.  Like most of the things in our relationship dismissed.  Every time I said that I was depressed:  “Get over it.  It’s nothing.  You’ll be fine.”  Dismissed.  Maybe that was what the problem was. I unfortunately gave him too much power and allowed myself to think that he ws my knight in shining armor although again, its been more than 10 years since we have had any sexual relations.  After our estranged break up, I felt like he was always trying to keep me interested in him and I kept running away.  I guess he got tired of the running and said a “Fuck off” by sneakingly taking his keys away from me.  I try every day to hate him more than I already do but cannot.  I love who I love and cannot un-love them.  Yet I am so angry.  Why have I always spent Xmas alone while he made it point to go to his family and not invite me?  It was my fault.  I am always and forever naive and believe that there is love.  The kind of love that I believe in is only on TV because that is how I have seen it exhibited as a child.  So my warped idea of love is just that: warped.  I wish that I had never gone down this road.  No regrets.

Everyday

Every day is a struggle.

21317401_10155673634788540_2112847993617878501_nEvery minute an even bigger one.  I tire at asking why?  I have almost 2000 friends on facebook but I am lonelier than I have ever been.  I don’t want to take anti-depressants nor do I want to try any.  I have had really bad experiences with them and don’t want to go down that road. I feel like I am occupying space that could be filled by someone much more able to live this life than I.  I feel like I am breathing air that I should not breathe because I am not worthy of it. I am hungry.  I have been trying to get out of this dance world now for some time and every time I try some idiot convinces me that I should stay in it as that is all that I know.  How can I stay in something that I don’t feel safe in.  It does not bring me any pleasure anymore.  Especially when I am looking over my shoulder right and left because my old friends are trying to stab me in the back.  Let’s not even get into friends.  Where are they?  I have decided to not be a fool alone and to be a fool among fools but the fools have disappeared it seems.  I have taken a few people out of my life and rightfully so as they have not even attempted to come back but it feels like a terribly drastic change is needed.  More cleaning.  All this work just to live another day.  It makes no sense.
Every time that pain comes which is every other minute. I remind myself that one day. There will be no need to reminisce, no self loath, no need for you, no excuses for life, no tears, inner or outer, no you, no me, I will be and will have no need to go down that terrible road to make myself feel alive.

Stupid Janet

Prince in LimboJanet looked at herself in the bathroom mirror and was saddened by her state of affairs.  She began asking herself the same questions she had been asking herself of late.   Questions which have left her baffled these last three years.

Why am I so lonely?  I used to be called the social butterfly but look at me now alone? What did I do to get here?  How can it be that I have 1034 facebook friends  but I feel lonelier than I have ever felt in my life?  She went back into the living room and began her weekend ritual of surfing the net and chatting with people she didn’t know.  Lately she was beginning to hate this because she noticed how afraid of personal relationships she had gotten since she did not need to prove to anyone of her credibility.  The computer screen has taken away our humanity like so many like Janet, her weekends were just that basic: coming home on Fridays and never seeing anyone or a shower until Monday morning when her boring life really took off.

Recently Janet has been looking into these dating sites and today she decided to enter a chat room entitled “The Lonely Heart’s Club”

No-one there.  Oh well.

Take a break girl.  Get a life.  With those words backing her up she decided to see if there was any more wine in the fridge.  Nada.  Damn, I am going to have to go to the corner bodega to buy some.

Upon returning home Janet exhaled.  She spoke to herself this time. “You need therapy girl!”

After having uncorked the wine and poured herself some she sat back in front of the computer and noticed that there was someone in the chat room and this person said “hi.”

Finally personal contact was achieved for the weekend and so early too.  A generic and random conversation began and as is always the case Janet found herself opening up to this person she didn’t know and felt that he was doing the same. They decided that a rendezvous was in order but, at a public place, in the week and during lunch.

After that Janet wrote: “Can I chat with you later?  This wine is getting me tipsy I should actually eat something.”

Alejandro wrote back:

“I’m hungry too.  Haven’t eaten anything substantial in days”

J:   “Why is that?”

A:  “Oh you know… Life”

J:   “Yeah I do know.  When was the last time you ate?”

A:   “This morning.”

J:   “What did you eat?  I hope that you don’t mind my probing into your life.”

A:   “No, not at all.  I’m surprised that you care to ask.”

J:   “So what did you eat?”

A:   “Just half of a loaf of a baguette.”

J:   “Just that.  Are you on a special diet of some sorts?”

A:   “Yes.  Trying to lose weight.”

Janet thought I’ll stop there. I shouldn’t probe anymore.  That is rude.  She quickly changed the conversation to their meeting and how excited she was and signed off.

Something kept gnawing at her though.  She was sure that it wasn’t due to diet that he would eat a loaf of a baguette today.  She didn’t even eat her own food and feeling overly magnanimous she decided that she was going to shower,  go to the supermarket and visit Alejandro afterwards to surprise him with a home cooked meal.

Her spontaneous plan was nothing new and she knew that she couldn’t change her own mind because that is the way she was.

After showering she got her stuff and went to the 24 hour supermarket which was a bit further away from her house and decided to call him with the number that she got from him whilst chatting online.

“So listen, what kind of food do you like?  Allergic to anything at all?  I know that you did not ask me to and if you are feeling emasculated  get over it.  Priests are the only ones I have ever heard of who diet of bread and water.  I am at the super market and have decided that we are having a home cooked meal together tonight.”

It did not take long for her to get the truth out of him and as she suspected due to financial issues he had nothing to eat and all was agreed.  She was going to take this train to that train to that other train and get off at this station and walk a subsequent 10 minutes to his place.  Not once did she think of her safety and that maybe she should take someone with her.  It was not until she was on the subway that she said to herself.  “Damn, I’ve been on this, the first train for 25 minutes now.  This is far!”  Whatever, she thought, just go.  He will appreciate it and honestly I’ve got nothing to do.  1 hour and a half later she arrived at the station in the boonies where she was told to get off.  She began to feel uneasy.  She shook it off thinking:  “I’m a big girl I can take care of myself.  Maybe I’ll just give him the bag of food at the door instead of staying or even going in.  Maybe this was not such a great idea.”

She decided to call Alejandro again to ask if he could meet her at the train station because she did not feel too confident with the directions and it was getting late.  He said he couldn’t.  “I am a little tired.  I’m sorry. Why can’t you follow the directions?  They are pretty easy.  Why is it that when you uppity Manhattan types step out of the borough you get more uppity?”

“Whoa, I don’t need to do this.  You know what let it go?  I’m going home.  I could eat the f….ing food myself.”

“Whatever bitch goodbye.”

Janet was taken aback.  What happened to make this turn 180 degrees in 1 second.  She angrily passed the turnstile and went to wait for the train back home.  As the train pulled up she said to herself. I came all this way, I should probably bring him the food.  She went out of the station again and with the aid of her GPS she was able to find the place in 20 not 10 minutes as previously suggested.  As she approached his building she found the front door opened.  She walked up the flight of the stairs and found the door and left the bags of food at the door.  When she was safely out of the building she texted him and told him that she left the bags of food in front of his door and good riddance.  She walked back to the station and while  in the train she received a text saying: “You could have at least come in”.  She wrote back:  “You’re welcome fool!” and deleted his number from her phone after blocking him from ever contacting her.

Thank you!

saturation inside part of extracted JE matias lying picture-EditToday is Thanksgiving in the States.  The only American holiday I really boast about.  This morning I woke up 2 hours earlier than normal.  I did not feel, let’s say happy.  I cried and remembered it’s Thanksgiving.  Do the sentimental Jean thing and find something to be thankful for.  I came up empty.  2 hours early thus an epiphany walk was the thing to do.  I needed to just walk out and I saw a bus with a poster of one of my students on the poster and I felt so proud.  I realized something.  I was thankful for her for making me smile at that particular moment.  All of this to say that I am really thankful that you are in my life or have touched my life in some way.  Please don’t take this as a chain letter. This is Jean. Thanks. JE

OK, I have noticed some strange un-Spanish things since I’ve been back in Spain. Halloween has gotten big, Black Friday is written all over the place but no Thanksgiving and I remember that the Three Kings celebration was becoming less important already the last time I was here and Xmas more. I hope that the merchant’s quest for more money does not lead this culture to forget their own wonderful customs and traditions. But who am I to talk? Money usually does and I just need to keep walking. Oh 1 MORE peeve. Who thought of putting the bike lanes in THE MIDDLE OF THE STREETS? Smart move. Not!

Please add on…. Lonely?

You’re lonely when:

cropped-image0004wtmk.jpgYou walk in Friday afternoon, lock your door and don’t expect to see the front door again until Monday morning.

Stuff you used to hate to eat tastes adequate.

The mailman is a welcomed conversation.

Your colleagues begin to remark that you’re talking to yourself.

You keep asking yourself the same question everywhere you go: “What am I doing here?”

You realize those great conversations that you used to have with your friends are a thing of the past.

Realize the inevitable, your friends are a thing of the past.

Precede a golden girls” joke with the proper starter and beat Sofia at her punchlines

You start humming elevator musac.

When that microwave meal you bought for yourself seems like its too much.

When you start screaming to your birds and for some reason their chirping is louder

You’re the only voice you hear for days on end.

Having a private moment in the bathroom is done with the doors open.

You do those things you hate to see people do in public like: burp loudly, fart, scratch your crotch, pick your nose.  …….   

you’re well rested.

The first time you hear the voices of others, en masse, it is annoying.

You smile to everyone in the street.

etc….

Please Add on!

Raison d’être

Dear readers:sing-extracted-chain-home.png
I realize that I have been very negative on this blog and I do not apologize for it because I use this blog as therapy.  I need to get things out before they fester.  I have done this for the length of time I have been around and am trying this other approach.  So far:  I am happy with the personal results. People misunderstand my writings and assume that I am going through shit.  I have been through shit. I am just letting shIT out because I don’t want it inside of me anymore.  I have tried to rid myself of my own life about 4 times now and i have to say that in all my bad efforts there are two things which are constant or recurring.
1:  I am not very good at it.  I have always believed in doing things that I am good at.   So, I give it up.  2:  I am here.  I am here!  I am here because of love.  I thought it was appropriate to point out the things which keep me going.  Please be aware that this is an ongoing or rather on-growing list.  This small comfort  gives me the freedom to keep adding to this particular session.  Thank you for baring with my evolution.  I know you are going through it too.  Please, please, tell me about it.  write it out here.  It helps.
Bye for now:  JE

“Things which have stayed with me and somehow got me through life”

I fell in love a long time ago with  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s “Le Petit Prince” The Little Prince.  I saw a young man with a tattoo under his armpit of the very last picture in the book.  I was so impressed.  So much so I had it tattooed in the back of my neck.  Now it has been interpreted as a  snake or a male sexual member too often.  I will add the picture here so that you can see for  yourself.
Screen Shot 2017-11-11 at 5.31.22 PMVersion 2Last image of Little Prince
“I know that looking at it from the outside it might look one way but please understand that I know exactly why I am here and like every thing I have tried in my life I have to let it take its time and develop to the point that I eject it.  Depression is an unfortunate thing.  Something we should pay more attention to.  I spent most of my life hiding it and now I don’t care.  Thus here I am.  I just hope that I don’t fall too far off the wagon while “ENJOYING” my trip.”
“Please don’t take that in the wrong way and adopt to its negative tone. It’s just my way of surviving.  Denial.”
You know I realized recently that I have always done what everybody has been trying to do.  I do live in the present moment.  I have no savings, and honestly don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  That is not true. Tomorrow brings hope!
I have had some scary accidents with cars and bikes on the road recently and am so honored and surprised that the universe has chosen me again.  
The nile...My angels are always.you are loved...
For some reason, I feel like someone will always protect me.  Not take care of me completely but that I will have a shoulder to cry on.
If I can dance,  I can do anything.  I chose it randomly and thought it was the most difficult of all the things that I wanted to do and my conquering  mentality took to dancing.
I’ve been living here{Spain} since 2000 and i am drawn to it because it reminds me of my own little country in the Caribbean.  The Spanish remind me of myself sometimes.  Proud but unfortunately excusing themselves for being amazing.
Sing!
Miguel Penny ElkeScreen Shot 2017-11-11 at 8.25.37 PM
Nina Wurtzel to me:
“I just made myself stop editing the photos. You are absolutely amazing!!!!
I got so many strong ones that are really emotional. Thank you for the work you did and allowing me to make you bleed!”
Thank you Nina.
Stephen Sondheim man!
“Stop worrying where you’re going.  Move on.  If you can know where you’re going, you’ve gone!”
There is so much more……..
This is one of the beautiful notes out of many that I have received recently from Gisela.  You know she has the same name as my mother:
“Jean!! Cómo estás?? La semana pasada fui a tomar clase en Schwerin una ciudad del norte de Alemania y me ofrecieron contrato. Me voy a cambiar de teatro para la temporada siguiente. Estoy muy contenta. Te lo agradezco mucho y nunca me cansaré de decirte “gracias” por confiar en mí. Te quiero mucho. Me gustaría saber cómo estas… Un beso muy grande Jean”
Sing!
Annabeth Berkeley You have always been an inspiring teacher and human being! Miss you and hope you are smiling brightly! I’m sorry to hear you had an accident and I hope you recover very swiftly. I send you lots of healing love Xx
Barbara Martijn  “♥♥♥♥♥♥ 
 
Angela Et Newburgh Thank you JE for trusting, guiding and helping soooo many of us. Will always love you even if both of our craziness can get sometimes in the way 😘. Take care of yourself.
 
Sing!

The Dance 4 passages: A Conversation

circa 2004 la Louviere2D=Dancer

T=Teacher

TD=Interchangeable

TD: how are you honey? Are you happy? Dancing a lot I am sure. Let me know. Lots of love. JE

TD:  Hi I am good! Still in the company  touring and dancing a lot so I am really really happy. I got the main part in one of the productions so I have been really pleased and I am learning lots. The tour is hard sometimes and our schedule is a bit of a mess but I am really enjoying this time here. How are you?

TD:  I had an accident and life hasn’t been the same since. Nothing physical. It was emotional. Nothing to worry about. I am so happy that you are doing well. Whose piece are you starring in?
 
TD:  Oh no! I had no idea! I am really sorry about that i hope things get better! It’s the new ballet by the director. My season goes from March till December so we are nearly at the end of it but it’s been great! I have to say sometimes i wish i was in school again to get really clean and have a routine but i love performing and the reviews have been amazing so i am really glad about how everything is going!
TD:  Don’t worry about me. I am blessed. I will somehow always survive. Listen you are not the first person to say that believe me. Gelsey Kirkland found solace in David Howard and countless others found their routine. You don’t need to be in school These are your formative years. It is now you really grow. School was to give you nudge and inspire you or depress you into what you want to do. You are a dancer. From your heart to your brain to the littlest hair on your head. You were born an artist school cannot do anything to enhance that anymore. Find a place where you are by yourself and perfect your craft. Every Tendue is a story. every nudge, porte de bras, whatever is a sharing of your soul These years are so important. You are where you were supposed to be at the moment. Lots of love to you and your family.

 

 
TD:   I have set a lot of things in my daily routine, pilates exercicies, techniques exercices…. our classes are long which is good and we all get a lot of attention because it’s only 10 of us so that means we need to be 100% everyday. I have really been exploring my artistic side with the ballet keeping and evolving a character which i find really interesting!
Thanks you they send you a big hug! I hope to see you soon when i am back. if you teach some classes let me know!!!!!
 

TD:  Du rien. Denada. You are where you are supposed to be

The Audition……………………………………………… …………………………………and the waiting…..

“Ugh!

Who’s got the pain when they do the mambo?

Who’s got the pain when they go “Ugh”?

Who’s got the pain when they do the mambo?

I dunno who-do you?”

Jerry Ross

Who care’s whose got the pain?  I am nervous as all hell and without knowing it I will sing the song as well because that is what I have seen on tv and on stage.  People sing and dance.  

Who is this Leroy anyway?  “It’s my audition, Leroy!”  No, It’s mine.!!

Mambo here.  Lot’s of high kicks.  The left leg only as it is the only one that goes up.  Lot’s of those fancy jumps with your legs bent and lots and lots of splits.  

I remember seeing the likes of Lisa and Kenny chuckling at us.  Somehow, that did not deter me.  This is where I was supposed to be.  “Wow! can I do that?  How did she do two turns and on those hard pink shoes.”  I hope that they don’t expect me to do that and to wear those shoes cause my big ole monsters would never fit in those little things.   God these people are good.  The demonstrators wow. This black girl, I have never seen anything like that her feet almost reach the window when she points them.  

I wish I didn’t look around so much.  They probably think I’m stupid.  This woman looks so familiar to me.  She is so tall and thin though.  I can’t place it.  Oh she is giving the barefoot part of the audition.  

How much longer before I do my dance?

Wow, this guy is good. His body is like a statue. He can lift up his leg really high.  

“Hi,what’s your name?”

“Gerard”

“You are going to get this.  You are so good.”

“Gotta go”

I have never seen that step,  I am going to try it. I don’t care if they laugh at me.

They all did laugh.  Somehow that step which was supposed to take you all the way up to the ceiling took me under the piano.  That teacher came to see if I was ok.  

Yes, yes.  Thank you! 

I giggled and laughed myself away from her.  She wasn’t so tall at all.  God from far away she can be very regal.

Ouch that did hurt.  

That blond woman with the white white hair, began to explain that it was time for us to do our numbers.  We could do what we prepared but c”ould not end up under the piano she said looking at me.

I didn’t care.  I was going to do my number and it was amazing. 

God when is my turn?

I’m getting cold  sitting and waiting.  How do dancers do that?

Why in the world do I want to be a dancer?

My mother used to tell me that I used to rock a lot in my crib and sing this little number which I made up myself.  

“Da da di, dada da di.”

I don’t know why I thought of that cause I forgot “Who’s got the pain” and I think most of my choreography.

But the sun was shining in my mouth.  There was no way I was going to close my lips.  So much so that you could call me cottonmouth from now on.  

They stopped me midway and I said “I’m not finished!”

The tall regal lady said. “Take a deep breath.  Thank you!”

I think I shook more after that then the months prior.  SO THAT WAS IT!

We all finished, got dressed, we were given a speech that before the new year or was it after, we would get a response.  My lord so long. 

 The waiting.

I vowed never to do an audition again because of the waiting.  

Lord did I stink.  I sweated like I had never before and I had to wait before I got back to Brooklyn for a shower.  

Ouch my body aches.  

How am I going to get back to Brooklyn?  I hope that there are no policemen at 42nd. st.  I have to sneak on the subway again cause I do’t have 75 cent’s for the train.  

I’m not even hungry or thirsty.  Haven’t eaten yet today 

I just want to know.

now.

NOW!

I can’t wait to tell Nube how things went and about that long wait.  

I heard one of the teachers say “oy vey!”

I asked myself what does that mean?  But it certainly sums up how I feel right now.

To be continued….